No Approval Necessary.

“all traumatized children, and the adults they become tend to focus exclusively on the outside world. A kind of hypervigilance, I suppose. We look outward, not inward scanning the world for danger signs — is it safe or not? We grow up so terrified of incurring anger, for instance, or contempt, that now, as adults, if we glimpse a stifled yawn while talking to someone, a look of boredom or irritation in their eyes, we feel a horrible, frightening disintegration inside like a frayed fabric being ripped apart- and swiftly redouble our efforts to entertain and please.

The real tragedy is, of course, by always looking outward, by focusing so intently on the other person's experience, we lose touch with our own. It's as if we live our entire life pretending to be ourselves, as impostors impersonating ourselves, rather than feeling this is really me, this is who I am.

That's why, these days, I repeatedly force myself to return to my own experience: not are they enjoying themselves? But am I? Not do they like me? But do I like them?

~The Fury by Alex Michaelides

Trauma can cause impairments in our cognitive functioning and emotion regulation, leading to the development of cognitive distortions. These distortions can make trauma survivors see and believe things that are not based on fact or reality.

People-pleasing is often a response to trauma, and it can be a maladaptive way of creating safety in our relationships. Unfortunately, it can also disconnect us from our own experiences and feelings.

Reframe it.

Because people who truly care about you will not be angry that you have a voice.

People who truly care about you want you to stand up for yourself.

They want you to explore your limits and boundaries.

They want you to honor yourself.

And anyone that doesn’t is not FOR you.

So say Yes to yourself.

Free yourself from the fear of disappointing or making others uncomfortable and ask yourself if you’re comfortable.

Are you okay with the situation or circumstance?

How do You feel about it?

Be in the body here.

Sit with your thoughts.

Honor what’s showing up for you.

Honor your heart.

No approval necessary.